Choosing the freeway

 This is about what to do when life has you in ruts.

What I’ve noticed has happened in my life and observed in others is an experience of doing the same thing again and again and again, even though it’s not aligned with your life vision or your core choosing to evolve.

That can look like visiting your mom and the same old trigger getting hit and going down (again) that same old sludgy pattern, and you just feel gross. And while you’re feeling gross, you’re also noticing that you never intended to take that pathway again. So you’re resisting the toxin that you find yourself in, and that resistance also feels extremely frustrating.

Then you’ll probably start feeling like a victim, because, as much as you might meditate, learn, and intend towards a better life, these old ways seem to have you bound.

In other words, you may feel like a slave to your patterns.

Despite going super deep with inner voice exploration, and through that coming into a lot more understanding and clarity about my external life, some of the same old patterns remain in my energetic system. A couple evenings ago for me that looked like having my energy level go down to 0, despite that I was hoping to go to an event where I could connect with other people and support a new friend with her work. So while I was lying in bed watching a TV show, because I literally could. not. move., I was also feeling the angst (again) about disappointing someone and also that old familiar mind rant: I should not be doing nothing. I should be going to this . . . (etc. etc. etc).

However.

Earlier in the week I’d had a really vibrant conversation in the beta community I’m holding, and it led to this epiphany about choosing the freeway:

What if in that moment when it feels like you literally have no other choice but to take those old familiar mental pathways that aren’t at all evolved but that are the only thing you can do in that moment, you simply choose that freeway? You recognize that this is the only path currently available. Yes, there are perhaps a gazillion other things you could try, but to do that you’d have to have a lot more energy than you do right now; you’d have to be in a different psychological space than you are right now, and you’re just. not. there.

So actually that beaten pathway is the only one ready and available for you to use right now.

It’s no use to imagine that you “should” do something different, because whatever the mind imagines would be different or better just isn’t ready now.

So in that moment, may I suggest, choose that freeway.

Choose the old way, the beaten path, the dysfunctional way that’s the only way you really can actually go right now.

And why?

When you choose that path, you’re instantly the chooser of it, not the victim of it.

In that moment you’re recognizing what choices are available to you, and you’re choosing what’s available, and even though your ultimate preference is to develop more functional means of acting in this life, that’s not your current reality.

And once you’re the chooser of your reality, it doesn’t bind you. You drive now, 70 miles per hour, down a freeway that doesn’t ultimately serve, hair blowing in the wind, not because you ultimately want to, and also not because you’re forced to, but because you choose to.

Now when you become the chooser of your life, even in that painful position, you’ll become aware of more availabilities, and eventually be able to choose beyond it. But you don’t need to hide from what’s there.

This can start to look inside like developing a more powerful, sovereign path, even in the midst of what might look outwardly like giving up and acquiescing to the same old thing. There’s an accepting that that freeway’s there, and you get to use it. Then when you’re the sovereign chooser who gets to use it, you’ll come to a place to choose beyond it.

Allowing what is.

So in the energy debacle I faced the other night, remembering this epiphany, I could just choose the situation I found myself in, and magically, though still being in it, not be a victim to it. And eventually a commercial played with some sappy song that struck a chord somewhere deep down that needed to be felt. A moment of tears came, bringing relief. And immediately after, about 50% of the energy returned and I could arise from the bed and self-care my way to the end of the day.

Summarized from inner voice:

We are leading into the fullness of us coming through, and this naturally clears. If pain percolates along the way, we would be with the human in the midst of this, loving here without concern for why there is pain or demanding it to be gone.